A Gamer Boy’s Gamer Girl

I discovered a blog called The Gamer’s Girl, which I thought could have an interesting theme. I am after all a gamer’s girl myself, though in this case I guess I have a simpler life, since I’m also a gamer.

So, I found myself reading through the posts. And frowning while reading a lot of the text there.

Although I can relate to and agree with much of what’s written, it seems that the author is someone who for whatever reason, decides to think of herself as less relevant than her gamer boyfriend. I understand that if someone is in a non-pauseable game and at a boss, will ask you for twelve minutes so they can finish the battle. Assuming, that is, that you don’t have an emergency, because if your house is on fire, I think the boss can wait. 😉

Another thing that made me cringe was, that for whatever reason, the blog author believes that to look ‘cool’ at the eyes of her boyfriend’s friends and gamers in general, you need to keep buying cool stuff, and cooking for your gamer guy. Tell me, why in the world would you do that if you’re only getting thirty minutes (oh, what abundancy!) of attention per day? Do you really think a guy who’s dedicating 3.125% of his awake time (estimating he sleeps 8 hours), or 6.250% if he’s away for work 8 hours, gives enough of a damn about you that he deserves getting pampered?

I don’t.

What could she possibly be rewarding with her baked brownies? And ‘giving him a treat’ as a reward? Is he a dog or something?

My gamer guy gives me attention, and not the absurd half hour a day, and as such I occasionally make him stuff he likes, like chilli, or strawberry ice cream. Or buy him his favourite beer to accompany his dinner. But guess what? I’m not in a relationship with a guy who plays games first and only has me as an accessory for whom he can only dedicate a minuscule portion of his time. He also cooks my favourites for me, he also gets me cherries because I love them. He does stuff for me too. And not an almost inexistent quantity of things, just to say he did them. There’s a balance.

Your other half comes first. Gaming comes after. This applies to both of us.

To be a Gamer’s Girl, you don’t need to nulify yourself or diminish your need for his attention. If you’re actually dating a guy who loves you, he won’t only give you a half hour of attention every day and then proceed to game while you, well, work for him. Respect his gaming time? Sure thing. But his gaming time can’t be the-time-he’s-home-minus-30-minutes. Guess what? That’s not really healthy.

I’m not sure if the author of the blog has a job, but I do. I, like my ‘gamer boy’, spend several hours at work, outside our house and when I come home, feel that both me and him have a duty to make things around the house work. Yes, I cook for him, and he does the same for me, we both clean the house, we go shopping for household stuff, and… we both game.

I reject the idea of ever dating someone who will think digital worlds are more important than the person you share your life with. Do you think a guy would like it if his girlfriend/wife came home from work, and every day talked to him for thirty minutes and then… time’s up!… she just ignored him for the rest of the evening because she’s playing something? I’m very doubtful he would find it acceptable, much less normal.

I’m doubtful that thing can be called having a relationship.

Also, I’d like to know what’s so complicated about having to ‘sort through’ the universal remote to watch TV if it’s on ‘console mode’. It’s not rocket science, and it sure as hell doesn’t take much time to do.

Unless your ‘universal remote’ is written in Klingon. That I could maybe understand.

How do us, two happy gamers get along despite our gaming? Real life always comes first. We play as a hobby, not an addiction, and therefore, we first think of each other. We can still play whatever games we want, without our house collapsing, or our relationship being blown to bits (no pun intended). It’s a matter of balance. We cook, we clean, we organize, we go to the beach, we just go out for walks, we watch movies and series, we game.

We respect each other.

Half an hour a day for the person you’re supposed to love is not respect. It’s laughable.

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5 thoughts on “A Gamer Boy’s Gamer Girl

  1. I posted right below you on “The Gamer’s Girl” and I just wanted to let you know that I read your response here and completely agree.

    I’m glad I got to read a realistic look at a healthy relationship, that happens to involve gaming, as opposed to the disturbingly one sided example outlined in “The Gamer’s Girl”

  2. Everybody has their way of ‘being’ in a relationship. And this is “The Gamer’s Girl’s” way of going through this. So give her some slack and it’s her blog anyway. I don’t see it as disturbingly one-sided or even unhealthy. It’s her way of dealing and relating to everybody about her experiences. Perhaps her BF is quite anal when it comes to gaming but she keeps light of things and just shares her stories. I don’t personally know her. But I’m a GG as well and I find both your stories is something I can relate. It’s just so happens that it’s on different sides of a gamer life/relationship spectrum.

  3. @Colin Thanks for your comment. The reason I left a comment at her blog was precisely because of how one-sided the ‘relationship’ seemed.

    @Zeri Thanks for commenting. I understand that each relationship is unique, I am however entitled to think hers is a ‘non-relationship’. This is precisely because what I see as a relationship (looking at my own) is so different. To me, it’s also a healthier way of living with a gamer. Being a ‘gamer’s girl’ is not by far my most defining characteristic.

  4. Raquel,

    Yes, you are entitled to think of her relationship however you want. But I still think you re being a bit harsh. If she IS happy living in the situation she is, the that’s good for her. There are people who’s personalities are just like that, they like to please people, especially their partners.

    My GF bakes stuff for me to bring to work sometimes, not to reward me, but simply because she likes to bake sometimes.

    And I agree, both parties (whether gamers or not) should make time for each other, and not a specific amount either. I know my GF and I have struggled in the past at times with my gaming habits, (she also games, though usually much less than me) and we still have trouble at times if I get a new game I’m really into. But you work it out and talk about it so that your both on the same page.

    We also have an 17 month old daughter now, so now we have a 3rd person in the equation who’s needs trump both our wants 😉 These days, when I get home we work together to spend time with her and get supper ready, etc. Then after she is in bed (usually pretty early) we still need to find time to hang out, even if its just watching “the news” and talking. Then often I can go game for a while, and she may also game or read or do something else before bed. Weekends are mostly spent doing stuff together with our girl, I game a bit at nap-time, but that is it.

    Everyone is different. Everyone has their own wants and needs, Gamer Girl’s needs seem to include pleasing her partner and treating him a bit like he’s a child (in theory at least), but she also seems to relate to being able to act a bit like a child too, so that’s what works for them. (I mean no offence when I say they treat each other as a child, etc, that’s just who they are, some people really should try to relate to being a child more often… they might be happier for it)

    PS: My GF is technically illiterate, she can’t figure out the universal remote most times. I don’t really fault her for it, its just how she is. I can explain a thousand time how to re-start the wireless AP if the “internet goes down”, and she’ll still ask me how to fix it later. Of course she also doesn’t get after me about the settings on the TV 😉

    Anyway I’ve blabbed on enough.

    PS: how are you enjoying The “A Song of Ice and Fire” series? I swear that old bastard is going to pull a Jordan before he finishes it!

  5. @TheCatWhisperer First of all, thanks for your comment.

    I bake/cook for my husband frequently (he does the same for me), and I enjoy the ‘giving’ part of our relationship. I like doing nice things for him, like the other day making him his favourite dish (chilli) or if I see something he might enjoy in the supermarket when I’m household shopping, I’ll get it for him.

    For me, it wouldn’t be ‘right’ at all if he gave me the amount of attention her BF appears to give her when I (gladly) invest a large amount of my time doing things for him. My point was, that (in my view, of course) there has to be a balance between things. I understand from her text that she’s in a relationship that she thinks to be working okay, and that her behaviour (seemingly not corresponded by her BF) is fine even if she gets very little back from her relationship. But I disagree that it’s a working relationship. Hence my comment there, and also this post.

    Also, I think, from your description, you have what is in my view a healthy relationship with your girlfriend and your baby, because you make an effort not to neglect them.

    I’m enjoying ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ a lot. But am stuck in the third novel for ages now because something always gets in the way of my reading. :p

    Anyway, thanks again for commenting, and I wish you both, and your baby all the best. 🙂

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